Money can’t buy me love!
Or can it?
The cottage industry of lawyers and psychologists that make its money supporting abusers and destroying children is at the heart of the financial problems in divorce and custody cases. The Divorce Corp. movie has done a great job in exposing the financial scandals that permeate divorce courts. They are to be commended for highlighting the unnecessary costs for divorces. Unfortunately, they just scratched the surface and never did the research or spoke with genuine experts in order to understand the cause of the problem. Maybe we can help them.
Most custody cases are settled more or less amicably. In our still sexist society mothers provide most of the child care even when both parents have outside jobs. Parents who love their children and place their welfare first usually create a parenting arrangement in which the children live with the mother and spend plenty of time with the father. Loving fathers want this for their children because the mother is the primary attachment figure so the children need her more. The mother is probably the more skilled parent because she has provided so much more of the child care. Even many abusive fathers are unwilling to deliberately hurt their children by separating them from their mother. These cases usually settle with the father gaining an unfair financial settlement so the mother can have custody. Abuser groups take these voluntary agreements that mostly provide custody to the mother as their proof the courts favor women.
The real problem is the 3.8% of custody cases that require a trial and usually a lot more. These are not only overwhelmingly domestic violence cases, but involve the worst abusers. These are often fathers who had little involvement with the children during the relationship but suddenly demand custody when the mother leaves or complains about his abuse. These abusers believe she had no right to leave so they are entitled to use any tactics necessary to regain control even if it hurts the children.
These abusers believe she had no right to leave so they are entitled to use any tactics necessary to regain control even if it hurts the children.
Barry Goldstein is one of the leading national and international experts regarding domestic violence. He has a unique range of experiences that include service as a board member to a local battered women’s shelter, attorney for domestic violence survivors, instructor in a NY Model Batterer Program and writer of some of the leading books and articles in the field. He has a strong grasp of the most current and important research concerning domestic violence and innovative ideas for using the research to create the needed reforms. Barry blogs for the Stop Abuse Campaign.
Domestic violence is about control and one form of that control is financial abuse. The cottage industry of lawyers and psychologists understand that this means the abusers will control most of the family assets. Accordingly the best way to make a large income is to support approaches that favor abusive fathers. Indeed this is where we find the support for the myth that women frequently make false allegations. These lies have resulted in many courts disbelieving true allegations of abuse and failing to protect children.
The Saunders’ study from the U. S. Justice Department found this belief comes from inadequately trained professionals.
The Saunders’ study from the U. S. Justice Department found this belief comes from inadequately trained professionals. It is these biased and dishonest professionals who have been given far too much influence in the custody courts. The result is the outrageous expenses for divorces discussed in the Divorce Corp. movie, but even worse is that some many children’s lives have been destroyed so the cottage industry could help the abusive fathers.
Domestic violence is about control and one form of that control is financial abuse.
We need Congressional Oversight Hearings to expose the fraudulent waste of federal funds that often is used to help abusers gain custody. We need to investigate why unqualified and dishonest professionals who are part of the cottage industry are allowed to inflate costs and hurt children. Most of all they need to determine why the safety of children is not the first priority.
Money can buy the assistance of sleazy lawyers and psychologists. Too often money can buy bad court decisions and control of mothers and children. But Money Can’t Buy Me Love.