t’s scary to think that dating violence can happen in relationships. But, by knowing the warning signs to look for you, you can be more equipped to recognize a potentially abusive relationship and take action to stay safe if you have a potentially abusive partner.
Many people struggle with how to help a friend or other loved one who is in an unsafe, abusive relationship. Talking to a friend who you are worried about can be daunting. The fear of interfering, being wrong, or possibly driving them away can keep many people from reaching out. If you are concerned for someone’s safety in a relationship, you can turn to many available resources that may help you start the conversation. According to Domestic Abuse Intervention Services (2014), some important things to consider when talking to a friend include the following:
Do you find yourself “defending” your peaceful approach to parenting? Need some support and encouragement?
Need some sound bites to maintain your stand? Well, maybe we can help with that!
Here are some startling facts, feel free to share and repeat them:
A Connecticut judge who locked up a mother to pressure her into revealing the location of her son may have been better off looking at the new research available to him argues Barry Goldstein. Courts and other professionals routinely ignore research and cling to biases that endanger children.
When it comes to supporting someone in an abusive relationship, remember this: Think Safety First! There are many practical steps that you can support your friend in taking to increase their safety and address many of the risks they face.
The Stop Abuse Campaign is a non-profit corporation that uses cutting edge research to protect children from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). The ACE Studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) were originally directed at medical professionals for diagnosing and treating adults impacted by childhood trauma. We agree with Dr. Vincent Felitti, the lead author of the original ACE study, that the most important use of this research is prevention.
What’s the best way to keep children safe when their families are investigated by CPS? Keep them out of CPS in the first place. How does a community do that? Adopt programs that have worked before, in novel combinations, and get the community’s buy-in at every level.
How about if we look to the issue of understanding and acceptance and answer the questions in the hearts of our littles before those questions come rolling out in line at the grocery or in a crowded restaurant?
When helping a loved one who’s in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know, honor, and protect your own limits–including your emotions, knowledge, and physical safety.
It sounds simple, doesn’t it? If you’re trying to figure out how to help someone, just ask them what they need. However, when it comes to wanting to help someone you care about who’s involved in an abusive relationship, this question can be difficult to ask for many reasons.
When they were little, I thought if I was angry it made me a bad person. It took me a long time to realize that I was allowed to be angry. It’s what you do with the anger, or in the midst of it, that makes you either abusive or not. Simply having a negative emotion doesn’t make you horrible; it makes you human.
When we begin to fully appreciate the complexity of people’s lives, we can see that very rarely are there clear-cut, easy answers as to whether a significant intimate relationship should end or continue. Even when the answer seems simple, the steps required to end that relationship can be very, very difficult. In some cases, those steps are life-threatening.