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A Child’s View

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Through a Child’s Eyes

By Melanie Blow and a guest blogger

As I sit at the normal pick up and drop off spot for parents, waiting patiently for my son, I cannot help but notice the number of children getting out of the car and rejoining either mom or dad.

Each child has  a story but do any of us really know what that child’s story is?

I watch the reactions of the kids getting out of the vehicle, some happy because they had a great visit with the non-custodial parent, some happy to see their mom and or dad, and some other children are crying.

But do we really know what is behind a child’s eyes, the pain they are feeling inside, the confusion on their face or the bruises that are all over their little bodies?

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This particular night, I could not help as I watched a particular family that I had been observing for weeks.  I never see any interaction between the mom and dad during the exchange.  The father drops the child off and lets the little boy run into his mom’s car and the father drives off, peeling his tires. Apparently he cannot get out of there fast enough, the mom already has her car in reverse, hurrying up her son to get buckled so she can get out of there.

I have often wondered what is the little boy’s story?

I never see the child smile as he exits his dad’s vehicle or enters his mom’s vehicle.  People  so often jump to conclusions without knowing the real story, drawing their own conclusions. Me included.   But as I sat back and observed this little boy’s every move, I could not help but wonder if what I was seeing was very similar to what my little boy is going through?

 As I was observing this little boy this past week, a song came on the radio called It Cuts Both Ways. As I listened to the words, I could only think about what is really going on with this little boy and I found myself going over every detail in  my head of my son’s story.

I wonder how many parents are trying to figure out my son’s story.

This is my son’s story.

My name is David and I am 5 years old.  My mommy and daddy are getting a divorce.  I do not know what a divorce is exactly.  I just know that my mommy and daddy no longer get along and live together.  I now have two houses, two bedrooms, and lots of toys. I am pulled in different directions and told different things.  

I hurt.   I am only a kid.  Can they just leave me alone?  I cannot take this.  

 These are the words that my son told his counselor and it was like the knife cutting both ways to my heart to hear how my son really felt, how he viewed his parents and how he would cry himself to sleep at night due to the pain that he was feeling. Internally,  my son was hurting, confused and was attempting to maintain his  feelings while struggling with the changes with his mommy and daddy.  He did not understand what was happening to his world around him.

 The outside world felt that it was two parents that could not co-parent because they did not get along, a custody issue, putting a child in the middle, it had to be.  What the outside world did not know is that I broke free from the abuse but now my son was hiding his bruises, the emotional scars and trying to understand why his daddy did not love him.

How do you explain to a 5 year old that what daddy is doing is wrong but the Judge says I have to send you there?

How do you explain that Child Protective Services says they are only bruises and they are caused by co-parenting issues?

How do you explain that to a 5 year old?

If you have a story please share it below.

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Melanie Blow is an incest survivor, a biochemist, a writer and is absolutely passionate about ensuring that every child has a safe home. She leads Stop Abuse Campaign’s campaign to eliminate Statute of Limitations for child sexual abuse, is a member of the Board of Directors for Prevent Child Abuse NY and sits on the Rochester Area Coalition Against Human Trafficking. She blogs for the Stop Abuse Campaign and Prevent Child Abuse NY, testifies in front of legislators and talks to anyone who wants to learn about child abuse or how to prevent it. Melanie lives in Rochester, NY, where she occasionally practices creative writing, birding, and hiking.

Melanie Blow is an incest survivor, a biochemist, a writer and is absolutely passionate about ensuring that every child has a safe home. She leads Stop Abuse Campaign’s campaign to eliminate Statute of Limitations for child sexual abuse, is a member of the Board of Directors for Prevent Child Abuse NY and sits on the Rochester Area Coalition Against Human Trafficking. She blogs for the Stop Abuse Campaign and Prevent Child Abuse NY, testifies in front of legislators and talks to anyone who wants to learn about child abuse or how to prevent it. Melanie lives in Rochester, NY, where she occasionally practices creative writing, birding, and hiking.

 

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