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RECENT FROM Safe Homes

Surviving Myself

Surviving Myself

Staring into the bright clinical lights of the Very Intensive Care Unit in a hospital far from home. I’d swallowed 300 Tylenol PM and wished the world goodbye. Almost a week before. It was so predictable and therefore preventable. I tell the story for Child Abuse Prevention Month.

RECENT FROM The Quincy Solution

NFL Returns To Normal

NFL Returns To Normal

The Dallas Cowboys just showed the world that they have learned nothing when they signed abuser, Greg Hardy to a new contract. The Cowboys which were once known as America’s Team will now be known as America’s Batterers.

RECENT FROM Pro Player Insiders

Tackling Child Sexual Abu...

Tackling Child Sexual Abuse

Melissa Mahler of Pro Player Insiders and Andrew Willis of the Stop Abuse Campaign tackle the topic of child sexual abuse with the creator of the ACE study Dr. Felitti, survivor and advocate Matt Sandusky, survivor and filmmaker Johnna Janis, clinical & forensic psychologist Cheryl Arutt and former NFL player Al Chesley.

Abusers follow patterns

There is a mathematical theory based in fractal geometry called “Chaos Theory”. At its most simplistic level, it says that if you look long enough and carefully at what looks like total chaos, patterns begin to emerge. This is exactly how I help my clients in coping with their court cases against an abuser.

Abusers follow patterns
posted on: Sep 10, 2014 | author: admin

CPS: Re abusing the powerless victims...

If someone asked you your definition of credible evidence, what would you say? Would you say that medical records, photographs, psychologist’s report, and even a child’s statement is credible evidence? This agency says no, this is not credible evidence, because if it was the reports would have to be indicated.

CPS: Re abusing the powerless victims of child abuse
posted on: Aug 23, 2014 | author: admin

What does safe feel like?

Now, the ACE research establishes that exposure to domestic violence creates catastrophic health consequences for children. The pressure from professionals who make their income responding to domestic violence custody cases, normal preferences for the status quo and reluctance to acknowledge widespread failures from existing practices are obstacles to creating the reforms needed to protect children.

What does safe feel like?
posted on: Aug 20, 2014 | author: admin

A beautiful lie about child abuse

We’ve all heard “it’s easier to believe a beautiful lie than an ugly truth”. It’s hard to imagine any beauty in the notion of strangers lurking behind every lamp post in America, desperate to kidnap children. But it is more attractive than the truth about who actually harms kids.

A beautiful lie about child abuse
posted on: Aug 13, 2014 | author: admin

Re-abusing children in court

Family court is not the only judicial system where judges are blaming and re-victimizing the victims. Criminal court judges have been doing the same thing. This is never more evident than in rape cases where sexism and blaming the victim has become almost second nature to judges

Re-abusing children in court
posted on: Aug 7, 2014 | author: admin

Why hitting a child is legal

Related posts: Pope Francis there is no dignity in hitting Psychologist legal settlement When a child discloses abuse...

Why hitting a child is legal
posted on: Jul 26, 2014 | author: admin

Stopping murders with The Quincy Solu...

Related posts: A tale of two murders The Quincy Solution Quincy...

Stopping murders with The Quincy Solution
posted on: Jul 14, 2014 | author: admin

How stopping abuse saves billions

It is important for businesses to understand the enormous benefits the Quincy Solution provides to the business community. Today many are unaware of the money that can be saved by ending our tolerance for men’s abuse of women.

How stopping abuse saves billions
posted on: Jun 23, 2014 | author: admin

Is spanking, abuse?

When we discuss spanking we often get the reaction that there is a difference between spanking and abuse. We agree with that. In most states it is perfectly legal to spank your child. This doesn’t make it good for children nor does it stop it from being abusive. We’re not seeking to judge we are seeking to educate. Spanking your children, even with love, actually especially with love, causes long term harm. There are better ways.
We like the way this article on Vox explains it.

Is spanking, abuse?
posted on: Jun 9, 2014 | author: admin

Paying billions to be abused

Barry Goldstein shows how The Quincy Solution saves America $500 Billion every year by stopping domestic violence crime. The Academy on Violence and Abuse estimates that we spend between $333-750 billion per year on health costs made necessary by domestic violence- much of this is saved when communities implement The Quincy Solution though.

Paying billions to be abused
posted on: May 19, 2014 | author: admin

The Quincy Solution

The Quincy Solution is a group of best practices that will dramatically reduce domestic violence crime and child abuse. It means that women and children can be safe in their homes. The Quincy Solution will make our society happier, healthier and richer. Battered women and children will have the opportunity to reach their potential free from the obstacles imposed by abusive men. And the Quincy Solution will save the United States $500 billion every year.

The Quincy Solution
posted on: May 12, 2014 | author: admin

Sign and support the Safe Child Act

The health and safety of children must be the first priority

The thrust of our Safe Child Act is that courts must make the health and safety of children the first priority in any decision about child custody and visitation. Although there is a long history of society treating children like property, it is hard to imagine that any other consideration could take precedence in the 21st century. What could courts possibly be thinking when they place children in jeopardy in order to accomplish objectives that are far less important?

Sign and support the Safe Child Act
posted on: Mar 29, 2014 | author: admin

What’s your ACE score??

Barry Goldstein shows how research can stop domestic violence and save America’s taxpayers $500 billion every year.
One of the most important research studies about the impact of domestic violence on children began as a project to treat morbidly obese patients and help them lose substantial amounts of weight by eating no food but taking supplements to satisfy their nutritional needs. Some patients failed to lose the expected weight because they did not follow the protocol, but it was successful patients who were the ones to drop out of the program.

What’s your ACE score??
posted on: Mar 5, 2014 | author: admin

Suffer the children. Custody courts t...

An alarming percentage of the 74 million children in the United States are in jeopardy, living with physical abuse, sexual trauma, emotional pain, and/or neglect. Nearly 6 million of them are involved in reports of child abuse every year, although fewer and fewer are being protected. 22% live in poverty We asked leading domestic violence expert Barry Goldstein for the top 10 ways we could know the custody courts are broken.

Suffer the children. Custody courts take no mercy
posted on: Jan 4, 2014 | author: admin

Why do people abuse?

This is no easy task, and experts have spent decades studying the nuances of the human psyche to figure out what makes a person abusive and why people abuse. Are there core personality traits which predispose people toward abuse, or is abuse a learned behavior?

Why do people abuse?
posted on: Jul 23, 2013 | author: admin

Child Abuse Changes the Brain

Child abuse – The brain changer  Science now shows how the abused children develop differently and grow up with...

Child Abuse Changes the Brain
posted on: Dec 9, 2011 | author: admin

Connecticut Court Embarrassment

The response by Ct. Family Courts to abused and protective mothers and their children is remedial, punitive and a public embarrassment, particularly given the State’s pioneering role in protection orders, court-based advocacy, mandatory arrest, specialized law enforcement and training for health, child welfare, police and family relations professionals.

Connecticut Court Embarrassment
posted on: Mar 6, 2015 | author: admin

Spanking works. A different perspecti...

Before you decide not to read this latest bit on spanking, consider that I am planning to see things from a different perspective than I usually do. Today, and just for today, I am going to argue on the “pro” spanking side. Spanking teaches valuable lessons. Spanking works. That is all I can come up with for the “pro” column, so here goes!

Spanking works. A different perspective.
posted on: Mar 6, 2015 | author: admin

If we hate child abuse why don’...

It’s easy to hate a mother who doesn’t do sufficient to protect a child, easier still to hate a murderer who kills a child, and satisfying to blame Child Protective Services for failing to protect a child – but is that the answer? Blame doesn’t stop children being abused but Erie County are, Read how.

If we hate child abuse why don’t we stop it?
posted on: Mar 3, 2015 | author: admin

A time for learning

So, if teen dating relationships rarely last, what’s the point in having them? I suppose someone could make the argument that it’s a good idea to skip dating and relationships altogether during the teen years and just wait until there’s a better likelihood of a relationship working out.

A time for learning
posted on: Feb 27, 2015 | author: admin

Shame game parenting. Harmful or help...

In the current trend of “shame game” parenting, a mother sent her daughter to school in a t-shirt, with the following, handwritten message:

Shame game parenting. Harmful or helpful?
posted on: Feb 27, 2015 | author: admin

The Domestic Violence Murder of Aliss...

How Will Westchester Respond? The public response to the tragic murders of Alissa and Deanna Hochman demonstrates how the flawed response to domestic violence makes it unsafe for children to fall asleep in their own beds. 175 children have died in the last 2 years from domestic violence crime. Barry Goldstein calls for urgent change to protect children and their mothers.

The Domestic Violence Murder of Alissa and Deanna Hochman
posted on: Feb 27, 2015 | author: admin

Why Were Alissa & Deanna Hochman...

Westchester County is one of the wealthiest counties in the country with many advantages for children yet Alissa and Deanna Hochman were killed by their father. Their father was a retired police officer, recently decorated for saving a man’s life. Barry Goldstein provides some answers.

Why Were Alissa & Deanna Hochman Killed by their Father?
posted on: Feb 24, 2015 | author: admin

Know the warning signs of abuse

t’s scary to think that dating violence can happen in relationships. But, by knowing the warning signs to look for you, you can be more equipped to recognize a potentially abusive relationship and take action to stay safe if you have a potentially abusive partner.

Know the warning signs of abuse
posted on: Feb 20, 2015 | author: admin

No Spank Challenge!

What if I told you that spanking our children puts them at greater risk for aggressive behaviors, delinquency, depression, feelings of alienation, future violent tendencies, and lower professional and economic achievement than their non-spanked peers?

No Spank Challenge!
posted on: Feb 20, 2015 | author: admin

Connecticut’s Governor Malloy c...

The greatest threat to the safety of abused children and mothers is the family court. For example, although we know that one in five American children are raped by the time they are 18, and much of that incestuously, in 100 percent of the custody cases when a mother alleges sexual abuse by a father, the father has been granted sole custody by the court!

Connecticut’s Governor Malloy can take action to shield children
posted on: Feb 19, 2015 | author: admin

Do children have the right NOT to be ...

Why do we defend smacking children? Do they need new rights or do we adults need to evolve? After all the science is clear. Hitting kids, especially little kids, harms their developing brains. Jane Evans recently returned from the PEP conference in India has some answers.

Do children have the right NOT to be smacked?
posted on: Feb 17, 2015 | author: admin

Reality TV star Heidi Montag’s ...

What’s it like to be the child of someone who sexually abuses children? Melanie Blow provides some timely and heartfelt advice to Heidi Montag.

Reality TV star Heidi Montag’s father arrested for sexual assault
posted on: Feb 15, 2015 | author: admin

Keep connected when dating

An important part of having a safe, healthy dating relationship is keeping up with your friends, family members, and interests during the relationship. It’s important for each person in a relationship to have some separate interests and experiences, as well as to maintain their own unique identity even as the relationship gets really close.

Keep connected when dating
posted on: Feb 13, 2015 | author: admin

Greg Hardy Domestic Violence Charges ...

Greg Hardy, the star defensive end for the Carolina Panthers was convicted after a trial in front of a judge of brutally assaulting his ex-girl friend. Some say his assault was even worse than the domestic violence crime committed by Ray Rice. So why isn’t he being prosecuted? Barry Goldstein provides some possible answers.

Greg Hardy Domestic Violence Charges Dismissed
posted on: Feb 13, 2015 | author: admin

Pope Francis there is no dignity in h...

Lala Fogarty shares her views on Pope Francis’ thoughts about fathers hitting children with dignity. She’s convinced she can convince him, but what about you? Do you think you can hit a child with dignity?

Pope Francis there is no dignity in hitting
posted on: Feb 13, 2015 | author: admin

Message 1: Value yourself first

Dating is all about relationships. When you think about dating, the first relationship that probably comes to mind is the relationship you have with the person you’re dating. But, I want to encourage you to think of another relationship before you think of that one.

Message 1: Value yourself first
posted on: Feb 10, 2015 | author: admin

Safe dating for teens

Teen dating violence is a critical issue to address, because the relationship patterns and experiences they have during these years can have a powerful impact on their views and experiences in relationships in the future.

Safe dating for teens
posted on: Feb 10, 2015 | author: admin

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