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RECENT FROM Safe Homes

Shame game parenting. Har...

Shame game parenting. Harmful or helpful?

In the current trend of “shame game” parenting, a mother sent her daughter to school in a t-shirt, with the following, handwritten message:

RECENT FROM The Quincy Solution

The Domestic Violence Mur...

The Domestic Violence Murder of Alissa and Deanna Hochman

How Will Westchester Respond? The public response to the tragic murders of Alissa and Deanna Hochman demonstrates how the flawed response to domestic violence makes it unsafe for children to fall asleep in their own beds. 175 children have died in the last 2 years from domestic violence crime. Barry Goldstein calls for urgent change to protect children and their mothers.

RECENT FROM Pro Player Insiders

Tackling Child Sexual Abu...

Tackling Child Sexual Abuse

Melissa Mahler of Pro Player Insiders and Andrew Willis of the Stop Abuse Campaign tackle the topic of child sexual abuse with the creator of the ACE study Dr. Felitti, survivor and advocate Matt Sandusky, survivor and filmmaker Johnna Janis, clinical & forensic psychologist Cheryl Arutt and former NFL player Al Chesley.

Abusers follow patterns

There is a mathematical theory based in fractal geometry called “Chaos Theory”. At its most simplistic level, it says that if you look long enough and carefully at what looks like total chaos, patterns begin to emerge. This is exactly how I help my clients in coping with their court cases against an abuser.

Abusers follow patterns
posted on: Sep 10, 2014 | author: admin

CPS: Re abusing the powerless victims...

If someone asked you your definition of credible evidence, what would you say? Would you say that medical records, photographs, psychologist’s report, and even a child’s statement is credible evidence? This agency says no, this is not credible evidence, because if it was the reports would have to be indicated.

CPS: Re abusing the powerless victims of child abuse
posted on: Aug 23, 2014 | author: admin

What does safe feel like?

Now, the ACE research establishes that exposure to domestic violence creates catastrophic health consequences for children. The pressure from professionals who make their income responding to domestic violence custody cases, normal preferences for the status quo and reluctance to acknowledge widespread failures from existing practices are obstacles to creating the reforms needed to protect children.

What does safe feel like?
posted on: Aug 20, 2014 | author: admin

A beautiful lie about child abuse

We’ve all heard “it’s easier to believe a beautiful lie than an ugly truth”. It’s hard to imagine any beauty in the notion of strangers lurking behind every lamp post in America, desperate to kidnap children. But it is more attractive than the truth about who actually harms kids.

A beautiful lie about child abuse
posted on: Aug 13, 2014 | author: admin

Re-abusing children in court

Family court is not the only judicial system where judges are blaming and re-victimizing the victims. Criminal court judges have been doing the same thing. This is never more evident than in rape cases where sexism and blaming the victim has become almost second nature to judges

Re-abusing children in court
posted on: Aug 7, 2014 | author: admin

Why hitting a child is legal

Related posts: Pope Francis there is no dignity in hitting Psychologist legal settlement When a child discloses abuse...

Why hitting a child is legal
posted on: Jul 26, 2014 | author: admin

Stopping murders with The Quincy Solu...

Related posts: A tale of two murders The Quincy Solution Quincy...

Stopping murders with The Quincy Solution
posted on: Jul 14, 2014 | author: admin

How stopping abuse saves billions

It is important for businesses to understand the enormous benefits the Quincy Solution provides to the business community. Today many are unaware of the money that can be saved by ending our tolerance for men’s abuse of women.

How stopping abuse saves billions
posted on: Jun 23, 2014 | author: admin

Is spanking, abuse?

When we discuss spanking we often get the reaction that there is a difference between spanking and abuse. We agree with that. In most states it is perfectly legal to spank your child. This doesn’t make it good for children nor does it stop it from being abusive. We’re not seeking to judge we are seeking to educate. Spanking your children, even with love, actually especially with love, causes long term harm. There are better ways.
We like the way this article on Vox explains it.

Is spanking, abuse?
posted on: Jun 9, 2014 | author: admin

Paying billions to be abused

Barry Goldstein shows how The Quincy Solution saves America $500 Billion every year by stopping domestic violence crime. The Academy on Violence and Abuse estimates that we spend between $333-750 billion per year on health costs made necessary by domestic violence- much of this is saved when communities implement The Quincy Solution though.

Paying billions to be abused
posted on: May 19, 2014 | author: admin

The Quincy Solution

The Quincy Solution is a group of best practices that will dramatically reduce domestic violence crime and child abuse. It means that women and children can be safe in their homes. The Quincy Solution will make our society happier, healthier and richer. Battered women and children will have the opportunity to reach their potential free from the obstacles imposed by abusive men. And the Quincy Solution will save the United States $500 billion every year.

The Quincy Solution
posted on: May 12, 2014 | author: admin

Sign and support the Safe Child Act

The health and safety of children must be the first priority

The thrust of our Safe Child Act is that courts must make the health and safety of children the first priority in any decision about child custody and visitation. Although there is a long history of society treating children like property, it is hard to imagine that any other consideration could take precedence in the 21st century. What could courts possibly be thinking when they place children in jeopardy in order to accomplish objectives that are far less important?

Sign and support the Safe Child Act
posted on: Mar 29, 2014 | author: admin

What’s your ACE score??

Barry Goldstein shows how research can stop domestic violence and save America’s taxpayers $500 billion every year.
One of the most important research studies about the impact of domestic violence on children began as a project to treat morbidly obese patients and help them lose substantial amounts of weight by eating no food but taking supplements to satisfy their nutritional needs. Some patients failed to lose the expected weight because they did not follow the protocol, but it was successful patients who were the ones to drop out of the program.

What’s your ACE score??
posted on: Mar 5, 2014 | author: admin

Suffer the children. Custody courts t...

An alarming percentage of the 74 million children in the United States are in jeopardy, living with physical abuse, sexual trauma, emotional pain, and/or neglect. Nearly 6 million of them are involved in reports of child abuse every year, although fewer and fewer are being protected. 22% live in poverty We asked leading domestic violence expert Barry Goldstein for the top 10 ways we could know the custody courts are broken.

Suffer the children. Custody courts take no mercy
posted on: Jan 4, 2014 | author: admin

Why do people abuse?

This is no easy task, and experts have spent decades studying the nuances of the human psyche to figure out what makes a person abusive and why people abuse. Are there core personality traits which predispose people toward abuse, or is abuse a learned behavior?

Why do people abuse?
posted on: Jul 23, 2013 | author: admin

Child Abuse Changes the Brain

Child abuse – The brain changer  Science now shows how the abused children develop differently and grow up with...

Child Abuse Changes the Brain
posted on: Dec 9, 2011 | author: admin

Practically speaking

When it comes to supporting someone in an abusive relationship, remember this: Think Safety First! There are many practical steps that you can support your friend in taking to increase their safety and address many of the risks they face.

Practically speaking
posted on: Jan 26, 2015 | author: admin

Protecting Children From Adverse Chil...

The Stop Abuse Campaign is a non-profit corporation that uses cutting edge research to protect children from Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). The ACE Studies from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) were originally directed at medical professionals for diagnosing and treating adults impacted by childhood trauma. We agree with Dr. Vincent Felitti, the lead author of the original ACE study, that the most important use of this research is prevention.

Protecting Children From Adverse Childhood Experiences
posted on: Jan 25, 2015 | author: admin

Buying in at every level transforms a...

What’s the best way to keep children safe when their families are investigated by CPS? Keep them out of CPS in the first place. How does a community do that? Adopt programs that have worked before, in novel combinations, and get the community’s buy-in at every level.

Buying in at every level transforms a community
posted on: Jan 23, 2015 | author: admin

Q&A Preschool style

How about if we look to the issue of understanding and acceptance and answer the questions in the hearts of our littles before those questions come rolling out in line at the grocery or in a crowded restaurant?

Q&A Preschool style
posted on: Jan 23, 2015 | author: admin

Who put this mother in jail? When jud...

In Connecticut, Katheryn Sorrentino was jailed for contempt after telling Judge Gerard Adelman she does not know where her son is. Domestic Violence expert Barry Goldstein poses some questions he hopes the judge has considered.

Who put this mother in jail? When judges attack
posted on: Jan 23, 2015 | author: admin

Know your limits when helping

When helping a loved one who’s in an abusive relationship, it’s important to know, honor, and protect your own limits–including your emotions, knowledge, and physical safety.

Know your limits when helping
posted on: Jan 20, 2015 | author: admin

How can I help a survivor? Just ask.

It sounds simple, doesn’t it? If you’re trying to figure out how to help someone, just ask them what they need. However, when it comes to wanting to help someone you care about who’s involved in an abusive relationship, this question can be difficult to ask for many reasons.

How can I help a survivor? Just ask.
posted on: Jan 19, 2015 | author: admin

Telling the truth may not be perfect

When they were little, I thought if I was angry it made me a bad person. It took me a long time to realize that I was allowed to be angry. It’s what you do with the anger, or in the midst of it, that makes you either abusive or not. Simply having a negative emotion doesn’t make you horrible; it makes you human.

Telling the truth may not be perfect
posted on: Jan 19, 2015 | author: admin

Children And Divorce

Custodial parents are advised not to come between the kids and the non-custodial parent but what does this mean for the children? Aubrey Cole shares what happened to hers.

Children And Divorce
posted on: Jan 19, 2015 | author: admin

786 abused children dead

The New York Times reports that 786 children have lost their lives while under the protection of Child Protective Services. Melanie Blow shows that the only way to protect children is to stop them getting to CPS in the first place.

786 abused children dead
posted on: Jan 18, 2015 | author: admin

Step 1: Remain non-judgemental

When we begin to fully appreciate the complexity of people’s lives, we can see that very rarely are there clear-cut, easy answers as to whether a significant intimate relationship should end or continue. Even when the answer seems simple, the steps required to end that relationship can be very, very difficult. In some cases, those steps are life-threatening.

Step 1: Remain non-judgemental
posted on: Jan 16, 2015 | author: admin

How much was I worth?

Melanie was only 13 years old when her father raped her. Not much older when her uncle raped her too. But did money change hands. And is that important? It is to Melanie.

How much was I worth?
posted on: Jan 10, 2015 | author: admin

It’s the little stuff

Sometimes our “listening” is so distracted that we never really connect at all. If we want our littles to tell us the big stuff when they are big, we have to start listening to the little stuff when they are little. To the minds and the hearts of our children, it has always been the “big” stuff.

It’s the little stuff
posted on: Jan 9, 2015 | author: admin

We could stop this child from being m...

Another child who could have been saved by The Quincy Solution. 5-year-old Pheobe Jonchuck was thrown from a Florida bridge to her death. The father, John Nicholas Jonchuck, Jr. was given custody of the girl despite his history that included arrests for domestic violence.

We could stop this child from being murdered
posted on: Jan 8, 2015 | author: admin

Tackling Child Sexual Abuse

Melissa Mahler of Pro Player Insiders and Andrew Willis of the Stop Abuse Campaign tackle the topic of child sexual abuse with the creator of the ACE study Dr. Felitti, survivor and advocate Matt Sandusky, survivor and filmmaker Johnna Janis, clinical & forensic psychologist Cheryl Arutt and former NFL player Al Chesley.

Tackling Child Sexual Abuse
posted on: Jan 6, 2015 | author: admin

Transformative approaches to ending d...

What are the efforts happening today that we will look back upon 50 years from now and realize the transformative impacts they have had, but that began now as new and innovative ideas? We don’t have a crystal ball, of course, so time will provide the answers to this question. But, we can look to new and innovative ideas that are growing and gaining momentum now for hints to what transformations may be in store in the decades to come.

Transformative approaches to ending domestic violence and abuse
posted on: Jan 6, 2015 | author: admin

Say cheese! Innovative ideas to help ...

As I thought about what sort of transformative project to highlight for this month’s series, I stumbled across an award-winning project called be smart. be well. Life stories, education, and ideas are offered about a variety of health topics that are related to staying healthy and well – things like bullying, addiction and STDs

Say cheese! Innovative ideas to help end intimate partner violence
posted on: Jan 5, 2015 | author: admin

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