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RECENT FROM Safe Homes

Countdown To Summer

Countdown To Summer

Summertime and we think about camps and summer activities for our littles. We think about proper nutrition, a staff trained in CPR, and proper staff to child ratios, but what about keeping our little artists, musicians and athletes safe from sexual abuse this summer?

RECENT FROM The Quincy Solution

Why We Support Connecticu...

Why We Support Connecticut Bill 5505

The crisis in Connecticut’s, and America’s, family courts started with the belief that women and children were the property of their husband/father. The Adverse Childhood Experience research proved that all child abuse impacts a child’s future health, meaning all abuse is a matter of life and death. And we still haven’t fixed the system. Assembly bill 5055 is remarkable for taking some solid steps to fix the situation.

RECENT FROM Pro Player Insiders

Tackling Child Sexual Abu...

Tackling Child Sexual Abuse

Melissa Mahler of Pro Player Insiders and Andrew Willis of the Stop Abuse Campaign tackle the topic of child sexual abuse with the creator of the ACE study Dr. Felitti, survivor and advocate Matt Sandusky, survivor and filmmaker Johnna Janis, clinical & forensic psychologist Cheryl Arutt and former NFL player Al Chesley.

Abusers follow patterns

There is a mathematical theory based in fractal geometry called “Chaos Theory”. At its most simplistic level, it says that if you look long enough and carefully at what looks like total chaos, patterns begin to emerge. This is exactly how I help my clients in coping with their court cases against an abuser.

Abusers follow patterns
posted on: Sep 10, 2014 | author: admin

CPS: Re abusing the powerless victims...

If someone asked you your definition of credible evidence, what would you say? Would you say that medical records, photographs, psychologist’s report, and even a child’s statement is credible evidence? This agency says no, this is not credible evidence, because if it was the reports would have to be indicated.

CPS: Re abusing the powerless victims of child abuse
posted on: Aug 23, 2014 | author: admin

What does safe feel like?

Now, the ACE research establishes that exposure to domestic violence creates catastrophic health consequences for children. The pressure from professionals who make their income responding to domestic violence custody cases, normal preferences for the status quo and reluctance to acknowledge widespread failures from existing practices are obstacles to creating the reforms needed to protect children.

What does safe feel like?
posted on: Aug 20, 2014 | author: admin

A beautiful lie about child abuse

We’ve all heard “it’s easier to believe a beautiful lie than an ugly truth”. It’s hard to imagine any beauty in the notion of strangers lurking behind every lamp post in America, desperate to kidnap children. But it is more attractive than the truth about who actually harms kids.

A beautiful lie about child abuse
posted on: Aug 13, 2014 | author: admin

Re-abusing children in court

Family court is not the only judicial system where judges are blaming and re-victimizing the victims. Criminal court judges have been doing the same thing. This is never more evident than in rape cases where sexism and blaming the victim has become almost second nature to judges

Re-abusing children in court
posted on: Aug 7, 2014 | author: admin

Why hitting a child is legal

Related posts: Pope Francis there is no dignity in hitting Psychologist legal settlement When a child discloses abuse...

Why hitting a child is legal
posted on: Jul 26, 2014 | author: admin

Stopping murders with The Quincy Solu...

Related posts: A tale of two murders The Quincy Solution Quincy...

Stopping murders with The Quincy Solution
posted on: Jul 14, 2014 | author: admin

How stopping abuse saves billions

It is important for businesses to understand the enormous benefits the Quincy Solution provides to the business community. Today many are unaware of the money that can be saved by ending our tolerance for men’s abuse of women.

How stopping abuse saves billions
posted on: Jun 23, 2014 | author: admin

Is spanking, abuse?

When we discuss spanking we often get the reaction that there is a difference between spanking and abuse. We agree with that. In most states it is perfectly legal to spank your child. This doesn’t make it good for children nor does it stop it from being abusive. We’re not seeking to judge we are seeking to educate. Spanking your children, even with love, actually especially with love, causes long term harm. There are better ways.
We like the way this article on Vox explains it.

Is spanking, abuse?
posted on: Jun 9, 2014 | author: admin

Paying billions to be abused

Barry Goldstein shows how The Quincy Solution saves America $500 Billion every year by stopping domestic violence crime. The Academy on Violence and Abuse estimates that we spend between $333-750 billion per year on health costs made necessary by domestic violence- much of this is saved when communities implement The Quincy Solution though.

Paying billions to be abused
posted on: May 19, 2014 | author: admin

The Quincy Solution

The Quincy Solution is a group of best practices that will dramatically reduce domestic violence crime and child abuse. It means that women and children can be safe in their homes. The Quincy Solution will make our society happier, healthier and richer. Battered women and children will have the opportunity to reach their potential free from the obstacles imposed by abusive men. And the Quincy Solution will save the United States $500 billion every year.

The Quincy Solution
posted on: May 12, 2014 | author: admin

Sign and support the Safe Child Act

The health and safety of children must be the first priority

The thrust of our Safe Child Act is that courts must make the health and safety of children the first priority in any decision about child custody and visitation. Although there is a long history of society treating children like property, it is hard to imagine that any other consideration could take precedence in the 21st century. What could courts possibly be thinking when they place children in jeopardy in order to accomplish objectives that are far less important?

Sign and support the Safe Child Act
posted on: Mar 29, 2014 | author: admin

What’s your ACE score??

Barry Goldstein shows how research can stop domestic violence and save America’s taxpayers $500 billion every year.
One of the most important research studies about the impact of domestic violence on children began as a project to treat morbidly obese patients and help them lose substantial amounts of weight by eating no food but taking supplements to satisfy their nutritional needs. Some patients failed to lose the expected weight because they did not follow the protocol, but it was successful patients who were the ones to drop out of the program.

What’s your ACE score??
posted on: Mar 5, 2014 | author: admin

Suffer the children. Custody courts t...

An alarming percentage of the 74 million children in the United States are in jeopardy, living with physical abuse, sexual trauma, emotional pain, and/or neglect. Nearly 6 million of them are involved in reports of child abuse every year, although fewer and fewer are being protected. 22% live in poverty We asked leading domestic violence expert Barry Goldstein for the top 10 ways we could know the custody courts are broken.

Suffer the children. Custody courts take no mercy
posted on: Jan 4, 2014 | author: admin

Why do people abuse?

This is no easy task, and experts have spent decades studying the nuances of the human psyche to figure out what makes a person abusive and why people abuse. Are there core personality traits which predispose people toward abuse, or is abuse a learned behavior?

Why do people abuse?
posted on: Jul 23, 2013 | author: admin

Child Abuse Changes the Brain

Child abuse – The brain changer  Science now shows how the abused children develop differently and grow up with...

Child Abuse Changes the Brain
posted on: Dec 9, 2011 | author: admin

Abstaining from relationships after a...

Our series this month focuses on the challenges that survivors may face in creating and maintaining safe, healthy relationships following their experiences of past abuse. However, alongside this focus, we want to provide validation and support for survivors who choose–either temporarily or permanently–to abstain from seeking or participating in intimate relationships.

Abstaining from relationships after abuse
posted on: Mar 19, 2015 | author: admin

A Turning Point In The War On Women

In this video Sandra Eagle suggest that the hearing to address the Connecticut Family Court Problems was part of the problem, and that becoming conscious of that, and making a change that supports victims being heard first, in sensitivity to the role of mothers, would be a paradigm shift that could seed a turning point in the war on women.

A Turning Point In The War On Women
posted on: Mar 19, 2015 | author: admin

Red Flags

We were very excited to hear from those who had overcome abusive relationships about how exactly they were able to end the unhealthy relationships and go on to establish a life free of abuse.

Red Flags
posted on: Mar 19, 2015 | author: admin

NFL Returns To Normal

The Dallas Cowboys just showed the world that they have learned nothing when they signed abuser, Greg Hardy to a new contract. The Cowboys which were once known as America’s Team will now be known as America’s Batterers.

NFL Returns To Normal
posted on: Mar 18, 2015 | author: admin

Deconstructing ‘Stranger Danger...

All sensible parents fear their children being sexually abused. Most parents think they know how to protect their kids from it. And when they brag about everything they’re doing right to me, I realize how far we all have to go.

Deconstructing ‘Stranger Danger’
posted on: Mar 18, 2015 | author: admin

Dear Mayor de Blasio – What hap...

Ethan lived with three adults who thought beating children until they are bruised is acceptable. Three years old and beaten to death for not doing his homework. A glaring misunderstanding of child development. A risk-factor that predisposes a parent or caretaker towards abuse. As is acceptance of corporal punishment.

Dear Mayor de Blasio – What happened?
posted on: Mar 18, 2015 | author: admin

Kelly Rutherford: Just Another Protec...

Actress Kelly Rutherford will be in Federal Court in New York on Wednesday March 18th. Kelly’s attorneys will discuss her children’s basic human rights as American Citizens to live freely in their own country. Kelly’s young children were ordered by a family court judge to be deported to a foreign country where neither parent has citizenship. Since immigration is a federal issue (state courts do not have jurisdiction on immigration matters), we are hopeful that our United States Federal Government will step in to protect the rights of two American children.

Kelly Rutherford: Just Another Protective Mother
posted on: Mar 16, 2015 | author: admin

School Spanking Questioned as Educato...

Who is beating your children and why? After reading M Dolan Hickman’s article you may think twice before giving your school permission to paddle your child.

School Spanking Questioned as Educators Indulge Fetishes, Create Child Porn on Public School Campuses
posted on: Mar 13, 2015 | author: admin

When a child is abused, what happens?

As I read the story about case, I was struck by how utterly committed the criminal and family court systems are to not believing a child. And a doctor. And the FBI. And a team of experts whose careers are built on investigating child abuse allegations.

When a child is abused, what happens?
posted on: Mar 12, 2015 | author: admin

Love and relationships after abuse

One of the first messages we want to convey during this series on safe, healthy relationships following abuse is the importance of holding out hope that these relationships are possible, even after someone has experienced an abusive relationship.

Love and relationships after abuse
posted on: Mar 10, 2015 | author: admin

How to love again after an abusive re...

This month, we are turning our focus specifically to intimate relationships, and in particular, we are delving into the issue of safe and healthy intimate relationships for survivors of past intimate partner violence. We know this is a challenging area for many survivors, and it’s also an important one.

How to love again after an abusive relationship
posted on: Mar 9, 2015 | author: admin

Connecticut Court Embarrassment

The response by Ct. Family Courts to abused and protective mothers and their children is remedial, punitive and a public embarrassment, particularly given the State’s pioneering role in protection orders, court-based advocacy, mandatory arrest, specialized law enforcement and training for health, child welfare, police and family relations professionals.

Connecticut Court Embarrassment
posted on: Mar 6, 2015 | author: admin

Spanking works. A different perspecti...

Before you decide not to read this latest bit on spanking, consider that I am planning to see things from a different perspective than I usually do. Today, and just for today, I am going to argue on the “pro” spanking side. Spanking teaches valuable lessons. Spanking works. That is all I can come up with for the “pro” column, so here goes!

Spanking works. A different perspective.
posted on: Mar 6, 2015 | author: admin

If we hate child abuse why don’...

It’s easy to hate a mother who doesn’t do sufficient to protect a child, easier still to hate a murderer who kills a child, and satisfying to blame Child Protective Services for failing to protect a child – but is that the answer? Blame doesn’t stop children being abused but Erie County are, Read how.

If we hate child abuse why don’t we stop it?
posted on: Mar 3, 2015 | author: admin

A time for learning

So, if teen dating relationships rarely last, what’s the point in having them? I suppose someone could make the argument that it’s a good idea to skip dating and relationships altogether during the teen years and just wait until there’s a better likelihood of a relationship working out.

A time for learning
posted on: Feb 27, 2015 | author: admin

Shame game parenting. Harmful or help...

In the current trend of “shame game” parenting, a mother sent her daughter to school in a t-shirt, with the following, handwritten message:

Shame game parenting. Harmful or helpful?
posted on: Feb 27, 2015 | author: admin

The Domestic Violence Murder of Aliss...

How Will Westchester Respond? The public response to the tragic murders of Alissa and Deanna Hochman demonstrates how the flawed response to domestic violence makes it unsafe for children to fall asleep in their own beds. 175 children have died in the last 2 years from domestic violence crime. Barry Goldstein calls for urgent change to protect children and their mothers.

The Domestic Violence Murder of Alissa and Deanna Hochman
posted on: Feb 27, 2015 | author: admin

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